Anger Management
Some people know how to control their anger; some people don't. Some attribute it to their mental health statuses; others say that they just need a mental health day.
My first and second husbands went through such classes after being in domestic violent situations with myself. It was interesting with my second husband, his counselor offered him a test by having me "meow" after each and every instance where he was beginning to raise his voice or I sensed him getting into an anger mode. After a few days of doing this, he said "Alright, already! I get it now!!"
Some people just don't realize that they have anger management issues until it is clearly pointed out to them. My daughter also occasionally has some anger management issues and I told her that "I don't appreciate how you are treating me." She responded by stating, "Well you know that I have anger management issues." Well, yes, I do; however, that isn't any excuse to allow someone to continue having their anger management issues.
At the same token, anger management isn't something that is going to change over night. Intolerance of the physical and emotional harm and patience in dealing with someone dealing with overcoming anger management issues is required. Additionally, likened to any other 12-step program to change their behaviors, they must want and desire to change before the change to occur.
I recently met a wonderful man that had been corresponding back and forth, as well as communicating via telephone calls with me for quite some time, took me out to dinner and treated me like a princess that evening. I had such a wonderful time that I couldn't wait to see him again. We made arrangements to meet again and attend a Christmas Party. He wanted to meet at a public parking spot to leave his car rather try to find my home or the place of the party. I gave him instructions to a large Walmart location and narrowed it down to the Whataburger in front of it to meet. I hadn't counted on the changes in the construction since I hadn't driven in that area in the past week, and he got lost. He had no cell phone; I tried to reach his home number and ended up leaving voice mails and/or talking to his son. I waited 1-1/2 hours for him; he was driving around lost for 1-1/2 hours. By the time he found me, he stated to me that I was "insensitive" for picking that place. He wasn't cognizant of the fact that I had been patiently waiting for him and had attempted to contact him somehow. Instead, he got out of his car, proceed to firmly state that he was upset and displeased and the fact that we are not going anywhere; in fact, that he was going to go straight home. I, in a soft voice, appologized to him and tried to explain to him that I didn't know about the recent construction changes and asked him if we could just go somewhere else for the evening. He raised his voice, said NO very emphatically, and pulled away from me and walked quickly to his car and started to leave. Mystified and stunned, I turned to my car and left to go home. This certainly wasn't the same man that I met a few days prior; but, that is typical of those who have anger management issues. I called his son to let him know that his father did finally appear and was very angry and upset and stated to me that he was heading home.
It is probably just as well that he showed his true colors to me this soon before we started having a potential long-term relationship. The fact that I recognized this flag, too, was good and didn't fall trap in trying to make it right and fix the situation, as I have done in the past.
Psychologically, this can be hard on the soul - both for the person having anger management issues and the person receiving the brunt end of the anger. Sometimes, I just wish and pray that everyone could live among each other in peace. Whether or not that will ever happen, remains to be seen.
My first and second husbands went through such classes after being in domestic violent situations with myself. It was interesting with my second husband, his counselor offered him a test by having me "meow" after each and every instance where he was beginning to raise his voice or I sensed him getting into an anger mode. After a few days of doing this, he said "Alright, already! I get it now!!"
Some people just don't realize that they have anger management issues until it is clearly pointed out to them. My daughter also occasionally has some anger management issues and I told her that "I don't appreciate how you are treating me." She responded by stating, "Well you know that I have anger management issues." Well, yes, I do; however, that isn't any excuse to allow someone to continue having their anger management issues.
At the same token, anger management isn't something that is going to change over night. Intolerance of the physical and emotional harm and patience in dealing with someone dealing with overcoming anger management issues is required. Additionally, likened to any other 12-step program to change their behaviors, they must want and desire to change before the change to occur.
I recently met a wonderful man that had been corresponding back and forth, as well as communicating via telephone calls with me for quite some time, took me out to dinner and treated me like a princess that evening. I had such a wonderful time that I couldn't wait to see him again. We made arrangements to meet again and attend a Christmas Party. He wanted to meet at a public parking spot to leave his car rather try to find my home or the place of the party. I gave him instructions to a large Walmart location and narrowed it down to the Whataburger in front of it to meet. I hadn't counted on the changes in the construction since I hadn't driven in that area in the past week, and he got lost. He had no cell phone; I tried to reach his home number and ended up leaving voice mails and/or talking to his son. I waited 1-1/2 hours for him; he was driving around lost for 1-1/2 hours. By the time he found me, he stated to me that I was "insensitive" for picking that place. He wasn't cognizant of the fact that I had been patiently waiting for him and had attempted to contact him somehow. Instead, he got out of his car, proceed to firmly state that he was upset and displeased and the fact that we are not going anywhere; in fact, that he was going to go straight home. I, in a soft voice, appologized to him and tried to explain to him that I didn't know about the recent construction changes and asked him if we could just go somewhere else for the evening. He raised his voice, said NO very emphatically, and pulled away from me and walked quickly to his car and started to leave. Mystified and stunned, I turned to my car and left to go home. This certainly wasn't the same man that I met a few days prior; but, that is typical of those who have anger management issues. I called his son to let him know that his father did finally appear and was very angry and upset and stated to me that he was heading home.
It is probably just as well that he showed his true colors to me this soon before we started having a potential long-term relationship. The fact that I recognized this flag, too, was good and didn't fall trap in trying to make it right and fix the situation, as I have done in the past.
Psychologically, this can be hard on the soul - both for the person having anger management issues and the person receiving the brunt end of the anger. Sometimes, I just wish and pray that everyone could live among each other in peace. Whether or not that will ever happen, remains to be seen.
posted by Kat Davis at 4:38 AM
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